February 06, 2003
My Oral Hygienist Hates Me


So I went to the dentist yesterday, and I'll admit I have bad teeth. I don't take care of them as much as I should, but I thought I had been getting better. With insurance this last year I've gone to the dentist every six months, I've gotten two crowns that I was putting off and a cavity filled. I even bought an electric toothbrush so that they didn't have to scrape off so much tarter whenever I came in. And I thought it was working, but it seems I've failed my Oral Hygienist again.

The woman is never EVER pleased. I know she spent less time on my teeth than she has in the past, that should be cause for praise right? Well no it seems that I have been missing the back of my lower teeth and I eat too much sugar. Oh and this one tooth in the back that she can barely reach with all her scraping equipment isn't being brushed correctly. I hate getting repremanded while I sit there with my mouth open and with HUGE orange safety goggles on my face.

That was a new experience. It seems that for some unknown reason I now have to wear orange safety goggles, because something is likely to get into my eye. I think I was more worried about the fact that they had to make people wear these than actually wearing them. I mean what happened that the insurance company has asked them to do this? All I can think of is hands slipping and those pointy scraper things going into someone's eye. After thinking that I was kinda happy with the goggles. So I just sat there pretending I was on some moon landing space mission and these were my space goggles. Awww yea orange space goggles. Did I mention they came up to the middle of my forehead and practically down to my lips?

All and all it was a typical visit. Ms. Oral Hygineist chastised me, Dr. Burr, looked at me kindly, thinking of all the money I have contributed to his holiday fund in the past and told me I had a cavity that needed filled and gave me a referral for an oral surgeon so I can finally after like 2 years get my wisdom teeth out. After endless years fo braces and cavity fill after cavity fill I don't believe that there will ever be anything that is not wrong with my teeth. Stupid teeth. Sigh. I go back in two weeks. Despite what Ms. Oral Hygineist thinks my teeth are much better than they used to be, lets just hope they don't go back down hill after I go back to school and no longer have insurance. Ahh the joys of being a student again.

Posted by nuala at February 06, 2003 10:29 AM

i think it must be a common trait among all hygienists...like it's a requirement of the job or something, to berate every patient for not having flawless teeth. cuz mine does the same thing, whereas my dentist just says "uh-huh. uh-huh. k. see ya in six months." sure i have little things to polish here and there, but the hygienist gives me the damn third degree (so, how often do you brush your teeth...REALLY.--said with furrowed brow and menacing eyes)
or maybe they just do that cuz they need to feel some kind of authority since they haven't quite made it to full dentisthood...

Posted by: jade on February 6, 2003 11:25 AM

maybe they're nazis in disguise and this is the only way they can dominate.

Posted by: Nuala on February 6, 2003 12:05 PM

ah our little conspiracy theory ferret-er out-ers. good job. keep it up.

Posted by: michele on February 6, 2003 01:03 PM

that's another nice thing about being a heterosexual male. hygienists are abrasive, but they also tend to be young, single, attractive women. so when they dish out the authoritative abuse, we kinda like it.

when i had my wisdom teeth out there was a comely hygienist whose only duties during the procedure were apparently to hold my hand, stroke my arm, and say "you're doing fine, you're doing fine..." as the oral surgeon twisted and yanked at my numbed jaw. good times.

Posted by: holohan on February 6, 2003 07:24 PM

it's good that you see the silver lining of every thong lined ass, holohan.

and now a quote from the green teletubby,
"pat it. pat it. pat my butt."

Posted by: michele on February 6, 2003 09:44 PM

Erm I am a dental hygienist and if you losers want to keep your teeth then I'm afraid you will have to take a bollocking every now and again. you'll be sorry when you have none left, because thats what will happen you know.

Posted by: lydia on August 25, 2003 09:58 AM

ooh yes. bollock me. bollock me good. ahhhh...

what's bollocking?

Posted by: holohan on August 25, 2003 11:01 AM

I dunno, but do you see. They automatically go on the offensive. Jeeze...calm down, their our teeth, don't take it so personally

Posted by: nuala on August 25, 2003 12:59 PM

lydia, I sold my teeth for cold hard cash years ago. and I'm not one bit sorry.

Posted by: didofoot on August 25, 2003 01:09 PM

I also am a dental hygienist, not an ORAL hygienist. If we don't educate you on the disease and tell you what you can do better at we can get sued by your lazy butt for not giving you the information. If you would like we could be nicey nicey and let you continue to slide until you have no teeth and then listen to you bitch that you never got the information on oral health. Get over yourself

Posted by: bonnie on July 12, 2004 07:31 PM

You see?! You see how mean they all are?!

Fine not all....my current hygienist is very nice. But these ladies need to find something to do....

Posted by: nuala on July 13, 2004 08:13 AM

I am a dental hygienist as well and We have to educate you and we try to praise you when praise is due; BUT this is hilarious to see the way we are perceived. I like the post by nuala "SEE HOW MEAN THEY ARE" Hysterical. BTW DDS get pissed if we don't push the floss---Its like part of our job. Like a sales clerk not trying to sell stuff. They definately come out looking like less of a NAZI. :)

Posted by: MISTY on February 3, 2005 08:38 PM