Yesterday Alex called early in the afternoon to ask if Garren and I wanted front row tickets to the Harry Connick Jr. show that night at the Arlington. One of the guests was sick and wasn't going to be able to use his tickets. We decided to take them as it would be a free night out and neither of us had ever sat so close for a concert.

The seats were amazing. Front row right smack dab in the middle. I kept staring at everything with fascination as I have never been able to see that well at any event. It was surreal, but I forgot that they can see you back when you're that close. You're not watching a TV, your looking at people who see you just as well as you see them.

So when Harry Connick Jr came out to do his encore he preceded it with a little conversation with yours truly. I get nervous just thinking about it. And of course at first it took me a moment to realize he was talking to me, even though he was looking right at me, because remember I didn't realize that he could see me. He asked my age and he was off by 10 years. He guessed younger. Yea me...I guess. Having someone think your 17 when you're almost 30 is a compliment but at the same time you wonder how people perceive you on a daily basis. But whatever I'll take the compliment, especially from him.

He went on to say that he had glanced over at me during one of the songs and that I looked bored, like I was wondering who the hell these people were and when the hell I could leave. (I wasn't I swear, but apparently that's what I looked like I was thinking.) But then whoever was playing the solo got to the climax of their song and I smiled a big old huge grin and he said that it made his night. That even if no one else enjoyed themselves he knew that I had in that moment. It was highly embarrassing and flattering and again embarrassing.

While I enjoyed the music and all of the solos, I think I was probably smiling at the fact that everyone on stage was so full of energy, there was dancing and joking around and they were obviously all having a lot of fun. It was hard not to smile at them all.

Garren continues to insist that when Harry Connick Jr took his final bow that he made eyes at me. He didn't, but Garren keeps saying it to embarrass me even more.

After the show, people kept staring at me. Harry had identified me by my bright pink shawl and everyone who saw it kept looking at me like is that her.....One woman even said, "You made his night, or he made your night...17!"

So yesterday was kinda fun. While I'd love to sit up that close at another show, I'm going to have to remain stony faced if I ever do just in case....

And tonight should be fun too. Garren and I are going to see Courtney and Brandon and eat at the Cracked Crab in Pismo Beach, where you can order a bucket of fresh seafood and they dumb it on your table. I am highly excited.....I am such a food whore.

So I heard from Michael. They hired an internal candidate like I thought. She knows the hotel, knows the department and can really hit the ground running which they needed. Totally valid. I just find it odd that even though Human Resources sends out the blanket email that they wouldn't have the Director call me to tell me personally. Even if Human Resources doesn't ask him to, don't you think he would have thought of doing it himself. Especially since they flew me out. Doesn't that seem like the decent and polite thing to do?

So this whole moving thing still isn't out of the question though. Garren still has the position if he wants it. They LOVED him. Whereas apparently I had questionable attire. One person said that. Apparently that was the only negative thing they said about me and yet it upset me so much I haven't been able to stop crying about it. It's like I didn't do this whole thing perfectly. And the idea that someone might have judged me or misinterpreted me based on what I was wearing just I dunno. I feel so embarrassed and ......embarrassed. There is just no other word. And while only one person may have said it, maybe they were all thinking it and mind you I REALLY don't feel like I was dressed inappropriately. Granted I wasn't wearing my suit, but the reason for that is that I wanted to be comfortable and I've put on weight lately and I feel like they are too tight so I feel very awkward in them. So I brought my pants that are suit pants and highly comfortable and make me feel good and I paired it with a sweater. And mind you I wear this to work all the time.

So now I feel like some slutty under qualified loser who everyone was secretly thinking was the most inappropriate person for the job EVER. I will mention that the man who made this comment looks like he belongs on the set of the Sopranos. Mull that over.

The girl who did get the position moved up from the Group Concierge position and there is the possibility that I could get that position instead. I've already talked with Garren when we found out that I didn't get the job that we could still go. I can start from the bottom and learn the hotel and the staff and when something becomes available (which it will in a big hotel) I can hopefully move around and get a better position. I'm ok with that. I don't know if my pocket book is, but really there is nothing to do there or spend my money on so.....really all I have to worry about is rent and my car payments.

so yea Michael is talking to the GM again tomorrow. I don't want to be the person who only gets a job so that they can hire her boyfriend. I really don't want to feel hoisted off on to someone's department but Michael assures me that they did already ask if I would be interested in the position as a way to get to know the hotel and work my way up so.....

But I still feel so mortified and embarrassed. I don't know if I will be able to do this. Taking a step down and feeling like my choices are already questionable. It makes me uncomfortable and nauseas. Especially when I feel appreciated and loved here in SB. Maybe it's just a love fest in SB but I am valued here and it would be hard to move away from that.

I guess I'll be keeping you all posted.

So after all the thinking, the flying the freaking mad ass interviewing, the flying, the talking, the pro/con list and the endless debating going on in my head, it looks like we won't be moving to Georgia after all.

I got a rejection email today. And not even an email from anyone I had been talking to like say the Director of Conference Services, the Assistant Director of Conference Services or even someone in Human Resources. No I got a generic email saying that the position has been filled. And no word from Michael since Monday. I mean we were talking every day before we went out to Georgia and then all of a sudden NOTHING. And it's fine, but kinda frustrating.

So apparently I'm a loser and have let Garren down. He of course says I haven't but secretly we all know I have.....And he hasn't even heard from them regarding his position.

Maybe they just decided on someone who was already at the hotel that they could train. I mean that way they cut out the cost of moving someone out. There could be lots of factors but it's hard not to feel like it's just because they don't think I'm good enough.

Which is silly because I know given half the chance that I can be great at what I do. But apparently they didn't think so.

Loser I'm a loser. And so unless Garren gets the position he applied for, and we decide to go for whatever reason, we're still back at square one, realizing that we need to move out of Santa Barbara but unsure of where to go or what to do.

On the bright side, I'm still going to get to go to the Daft Punk concert in July and Dave Matthews in October. Ooo and now maybe I can buy tickets to Snow Patrol in July....if it's not already sold out. Damn.

When Garren and I went to New York and stayed at the Caryle, he was officially referred to as my "travel partner" by employees of the hotel. It has been a running joke around the office ever since.

He just got upgraded to "Husband" today in another correspondence with a completely different hotel. Nenner is telling lies about us, or he's hoping if he tells everyone we're married it will be true. I think he's now trying to win a bet with his wife on when we'll, if ever, be married.

Maybe I'll just start calling Garren "hubby" just to throw everyone off....hee hee