ribbon

7/19/02

AMEN. Maybe then "some" people would not be so uptight or annoying. Yea whatever. And maybe all that beer would make it easier to tell them I'm leaving them for SB.....then again maybe it would just give me a bad headache where I didn't remember all the horrible things I said about to them. It could be a win win situation....then again maybe not.

7/11/02

So last night sucked. Sumit called when I was half asleep and I foolishly called him back once I realized that it was my phone ringing and not my alarm going off. So me half asleep trying to hold a conversation while Sumit pushes my buttons is not good because I am not thinking clearly and I just get upset. I was so angry, more over the fact that he even got me upset than the actual non argument. Because you see an argument with Sumit is like an argument with myself since he refuses to be involved. Anyways so when I finally did hang up I was wide awake and it took me a long time to fall back asleep and I just knew I was going to sleep in and what happened? I woke up when I should have been about to leave to go get Michele and Kristen. But you say this is not so bad. You just woke up late, you got to work, no big deal, and while true it was not a big deal it was how I woke up that sucked. I was having a bad nightmare when I woke up late. It's an epidemic and I blame Kristen for putting the idea in my head, except not really.

Anyways so the nightmare is everyone that ever is able to get me really upset is around. Sumit, who is again refusing to argue, my sister, Isabelle my aunt, my dad and my "work leader" from work are all present in some form. So it's like a non ending argument/me being pissed off and upset episode and really stress filled. With everyone pushing my buttons in the ways that only they can. Interesting though that Dad was just present rather than upsetting me and my sister too. Isabelle was the real main antagonist, while my "work leader" was a background distress factor that happened before everyone else showed up and Sumit was just his usual aggravating self. And the last thing I remember is running into another room to escape them and crying and feeling all alone. And then I woke up all tense and not on time. 

And now I'm over analyzing my dream like a moron. I stop now. 

7/10/02

So I'm reaching the breaking point. I'm so ready to quit this job. I'm sick of being under-appreciated and only pointed out for the minor things I have forgotten to do while all the good things I do are ignored. I'm sick of having a "work leader" who doesn't know the first thing about people or how to supervise. I'm ready to scream and start shooting people from the campanile, one person in particular and I don't need to be here. I'm in the middle of a serious contemplation for heading back to SB. Now I don't know if SB is going to make me any happier, but it won't involve commuting a total of two hours everyday to and from work, it won't involve working with the dumb ass system that is UCB or involve working with a pinhead. It also will not involve living out in the boonies, sitting on my ass every weekend because everything is too far away and I can't be bothered. It would involve being closer to my boyfriend so that I don't have to make 5 hour treks every couple of weekends to see him. It would be nicer to be in a city that is not congested with cars and freeway systems. Anyways so when I go down this weekend I'm going to look into seeing what the job prospect might be like as well as the housing situation. I'm not going yet but sometime soon I might tell them to stuff this job where the sun don't shine.

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