My boss today asked me to compose an email to the Professors I work with telling them that I am leaving UC Berkeley because apparently they were "a little surprised that I didn't "personally" mention it to them." What the fuck?! I know that one of them knows that I was pursuing a teaching goal and that I had mentioned to that I would be leaving soon. The other one, who I'm sure made the comment is not personable. He comes in, tells me what he wants, does not communicate well mind you , and leaves. No chit chat, no how are you. So how the HELL am I supposed to bring up the fact that I'm leaving or that I'm pursuing a goal besides getting his mail?
Stupid, stupid. So yet again I feel like a high school idiot who doesn't know any better. And the fact that actually expected me to be happy doing no more than errands is amazing! Course now I really do have to continue the lie of pursuing the teaching goal. I've got it all figured out though. I feel slightly bad about the lie, but whatever, it makes life simplier as to why I'm leaving.
And I was having such a good day. sigh.
Apparently I am not smart enough to teach children. I've been rejected from another school, Santa Barbara. I knew it was coming. I did horribly in the interview. I was just waiting to have it confirmed. Honestly I'm not really suprised or upset, but I still feel like an idiot. Why you ask? I'll tell you:
1. I've always felt a little intellectually inferior to those around me. I always feel like the last to catch on. This is just a confirmation of that feeling.
2. I've done nothing but pursue getting into a teaching career for the last year. I've used my vacation time and taken non paid days at work to put in time at the schools and now I have to go into work and say yep I got rejected (I'm that much of a moron) and yep I'm still leaving and nope I'm not going to pursue teaching anymore because I'm a flake and all that matters is moving closer to my boyfriend. Okay the last two reasons are not REALLY true. I don't think I'm a flake and I am moving to be closer to my boyfriend but it's not the only reason.
I guess I mainly feel like I'm going to come across as a 15 year old idiot who doesn't know what she wants and doesn't know the meaning of pursuing a goal. I feel like they're all going to think I'm abandoning my goal for my boyfriend. But the truth is that if I REALLY knew that teaching was what I wanted I wouldn't let this stop me. I would go to San Diego if I got in there. And if I didn't I would just go to Chapman University here, because they take everyone.
On the whole though I'm relieved. While everyone else was convinced I'd make a good teacher I was still on the fence. I enjoyed the time I spent in the schools and I probably could teach and do it well, but I don't feel passionate enough to say Hell Yea! I'm doing that! Sometimes I'm afraid it's my own apathy kicking in. I hope it's not. I hope I'm not turning my back on something I should be doing. I like kids, but I think I'm looking forward to having my own and not necessarily spending time with everyone else's.
So here I am. Two rejections under my belt and another plan. And a firm plan now that I know I'm not wanted at the UCSB Teaching Program. I'm still moving to SB in June and I'm going to pursue a career in the Hospitality industry. To me it seems to fit better than teaching. Here's to hoping I don't change my mind.
I've had cheese on the brain lately. I found out that there is a store in Berkeley called the Cheeseboard with IMPORTED cheese and they let you taste as many types of cheese as you want until you find one you like. I don't know about the rest of you but the cheese you can find at Safeway just doesn't do it for me. It's usually when I'm going through travel withdrawl that I start trying to feret out things that remind me of my time spent away from the states. It's usually food, this time it's cheese. I'm heading to the Cheeseboard tomorrow for a cheaper cure to itchy feet.
Now I know most of you are going, "Bahhh! Cheese, whatever!" But for me cheese is one of the formeost memories I have of my summers in France. The last time I went to France the first thing I did was grab my three favorite things: a chocolate croissant, a baguette and some cheese to reconfirm that yes, I was in France, and yes even the crappy train station food was better than anything I could get at home. All of those trips were about food and the dining experience, but while I've forgotten what most of the meals consisted of, I still remember the cheese course. Go figure.
And because I'm talking about cheese I feel I should mention that you should all try Halloumi cheese which is made in Cyprus. It's fantastic. When I was younger Daphne's dad brought back from one of his many trips to Cyprus. I think I must have eaten the entire stash that they brought back. This cheese is usally eaten fried so that it's all brown and golden on the outside and squishy on the inside.
Shoot, now I'm hungry.
I had another cousin arrive a couple of weeks ago. Another boy. When I was younger the talk in the McCann family was all about getting a boy grandson. There were ten grandchildren all girls. My grandfather, the sweetest man on the planet would never have said it, but it was understood that a boy would be nice. Both my uncles had a third child trying to get that boy to no avail. After the long drought in the McCann family Aunt Paula, the youngest daughter, finally popped out a boy and a girl (twins!) 11 years ago and then later, two more boys and now finally one more (the last cousin we think). So the score is Girls 11, Boys 4. I only bring this up because my aunt sent pictures and well I had to share. (As a side note: Guess what they named the newest baby Michele? That's right they named him NOLAN.) On to the pictures!
Nolan I love babies.
Brendan Until recently the youngest grandchild. He's gotten huge since I last saw him in October!
Colleen Poor Colleen with three brothers, she was hoping for a sister.
Nolan, Stephen and Brendan There is one brother missing. Where are you Kevin? Kevin? Hello?
So yesterday I told Michele about MTV's new show Punk'd starring Ashton Kutcher which is basically a candid camera for celebrities who have so far included among others, Justin Timberlake, Kelly Osborne, Eliza Dushku, Mandy Moore, Wilmer Valderrama, and Kevin Richardson. Now while I find this show damn funny, frequently I have to look away as I feel so embarrassed for those who are the butt of Mr. Kutcher's joke.
But so yesterday after I told Michele about the show and vaguely fascinated her with its purpose, I'm flipping by MTV and what do I see but a clip for Punk'd airing that night playing a prank on none other than Mr. Seth Green. Now since Michele has said that she is more than willing to have his love child I thought she might want to watch and so I immediately called her. During the commercial break while the show aired she called me and said, "Why are they being so mean to him? He's so cute and little why are they being mean? Why? And why is it normal for them to be playing craps in some hotel?" I giggled at the show and giggled at Michele and had a good all round fun time.
But then I thought what if others don't know about this show. They're missing out on some car smashing, house destruction, cop busts, house repossession and all around star panic, frustration, fear and shock. It's great fun. So now I've told you.
And in case you didn't check out the photobooth pictures I linked above here are some of my favorite:
Jennifer Gardner
Tenacious D
Natalie Portman
Danny Masterson
John Cusak
Ryan Phillipe
Ever been so bored you wanted to chew your own hand off just to see what would happen? Well I'm not there yet, but I'm getting pretty damn close. It amazing that even though 75% of the time I'm bored out of my gorge here at UC Berkeley, I STILL think that I should get paid more, because at least when I do have things to do I'm more competent than most of the people here and I do it ten times faster. Yep I deserve to get paid more. Mainly I feel under appreciated. For example today I moved carpet samples with the work study. Why? Because I seem to get all the shit jobs like that even when the work study is around. Apparently there is no real difference between me and the work study. How encouraging is that?
But it doesn't matter I say, because I will be outta here at the end of May. That's right come May 30th I will no longer be a Berkeley employee. Woo-hoo! No I haven't heard from UCSB or UCSD yet, but either way, whether I get in or not, I've decided to move back to SB. I miss my boyfriend and I miss living there. If I don't get into the teaching program, I'm thinking of doing the Hotel Hospitality Certificate at the City College. I've always kinda thought about going into the hotel industry, but seem to have gotten side tracked. And regarding teaching, the truth is that I'm kinda with Jason. I'm on the fence and I don't know if it's something I could do day in and day out. So basically I'm going to let fate decide. If I get into SB, I'll go and if I don't I'll try a new direction. Now there is just the worry of moving all my crap and actually paying rent. But then again my sister moved all the way across the country to a place much more expensive so HELL if she can do it.....
Speaking of my sister, she started a new job this week working for a producer who helped produce Driving Miss Daisy. She seems really excited and the project that they are thinking of working on is a play based on this book about a six year old Jewish boy who was kidnaped by the Catholic Church in Italy because he was apparently baptized a Christian. Being a History Major I am highly intrigued and will probably pick the book up.
But yes, even though you've already started, good luck with the new job Ady! I'm sure they already think you're too fantastic for words. And I'm sending the tape. It's kinda hard to do when the post office is always closed by the time I get there, but Mom is on it! I swear.
I was stumped as to what to write about. Nothing interesting has really been going on lately in my life. I'm sorta in limbo waiting to hear from the stupid Education departments, but then my friend Bharti sent me some email, the pictures in particular made me laugh, and I just had to share.
An aircraft is about to crash. There are five passengers on board, but unfortunately only 4 parachutes. The first passenger says "I'm Shaquille O'Neill, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me, it would be unfair to them if I died". So he takes the first parachute and jumps.
The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says "I am the wife of the former President of the United States. I am also the most dedicated woman in the world, a Senator in New York and America's potential future President. She takes one of the parachutes and jumps.
The third passenger, George W. Bush, says " I am the President of the United States of America. I have a huge responsibility in world politics. And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of the country and I have a responsibility to my people not to die". So he takes a parachute and jumps.
The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a ten year old
schoolboy "I am already old. I have already lived my life, as good person and a priest I will give you the last parachute". The boy replies "No problem, there is also a parachute for you. America's most intelligent President has taken my schoolbag..."