This is why I don't like putting things away. Sure everything looks neat but I can't find anything.

This morning I was all ready to go to work and with plenty of time to stop off for my morning coffee. And then I couldn't find my keys. I checked my room, the key rack, by the door, on the coffee table, on the side table, in yesterday's pants, under the bed, in the bathroom. All for nothing. Everything was spotless in the house for the arrival of Krista's mom today and there were no keys in sight.

I was about ready to give up. I was leaving with my spare car key and no key to lock the front door behind me when I glanced in Krista's purse on the coffee table and there they were. My keys!

So this morning was Keys, wait no keys, there they are, now no coffee, DAMN!. Now here I am uncaffinated, hungry and tired.

In conclusion: I hate putting things away. Everything gets lost.

I don't even know why I'm writing this entry. I don't really have anything interesting to say. I guess I'm looking for a way to vent.

A friend in SB has lately made me feel like I am a bad friend. Within the last two months she's been mad at me frequently and takes it out on me by either ignoring me outright or making snippy comments meant to hurt as much as possible.

We had just made up over the last misunderstanding when another one has popped up that I know she thinks is all my fault. I can admit that I did something without thinking about her or consulting her about that might have hurt her feelings but for her to refuse to talk to me and basically outright ignore me seems a little extreme.

Sometimes I feel like she is using me as something to be mad at and then sometimes I feel like she's right, that I am a bad friend. Right now all I know is that I can't do anything. I can't make her talk to me and I can't begin to make her feel better about what happened until she decides not to be mad anymore.

The truth is that the whole thing is stupid. And the fact that she has gotten this mad at me AGAIN and upset me this much AGAIN makes me question our whole friendship. I mean why would I want to be friends with someone who gets so mad at something that she's hurtful. I've never had a friend who I argued so much with or who refuses to talk to me until the whole situation is blown out of proportion and is ten times worse.

I don't know what to do anymore. The idea that I would lose this friendship that has meant so much to me because of a misunderstanding and perhaps careless move on my part seems insane, but the idea that we will make up and then sometime in the future I might again do something unwittingly that upsets her and I feel like this again seems self destructive.

I don't even know how to approach her anymore as no matter what move I make seems to upset her. I'm basically damned if I do and damned if I don't. I mainly don't understand where the anger comes from. I've been annoyed with my friends but they have never done anything so horrible that I wouldn't speak to them or that I would intentionally ignore them. I've just never felt that type of anger toward a friend and having it directed at me confuses me.

I've called and tried to apologize but I've been ignored for the last 4 days. I've tried to back off but there is no feeling that the wall of silence is going to make a move. I just want it decided. Either we're friends or we're not. Either you're going to get over this or you're not. I wish she would just let me know, because I'm just sitting her waiting for her to decide.