So I'm almost done with the whole "applying to grad school" thing. I hate it. I just want it done and over with. I called UCSB this morning to make sure that my reccomendation letters and transcripts weren't sitting gathering dust behind that man's counter and found out it had arrived. I think the lady on the phone thought I was mad calling to make sure it was there, but I had to know. I just had to. The idea of it having been sitting in Berkeley for two weeks was just too much to bear. I NEEDED TO KNOW. And now I do. All is fine. (Happy compulsive grin)

I also know that my application to UCSD arrived as well. I got smarter after the whole scary counter man and actually found the post office and sent it with a Delivery Confirmation. And I checked and it arrived in La Jolla. So far so good.

Now there's just the damn Berkeley application one left. It's done really, but for some reason I am applying for a fellowship that I will not get since I feel it's SUPPOSED to be for struggling students with no money options. Why I feel this way I don't know. Maybe it has to do with all the money questions they ask you. Anyways I have to write another damn essay for it and it's even worse than my personal statement. Michele will disagree with me here and say it's fine. Lovely editor that she is, but I still feel it makes my parents sound like horrible people, which they're not, but I had to come up with some conflict to overcome. Ughhh it's crap and normally I woudn't care as I should get other forms of aid, but this is Berkeley we're talking about. What if they read this essay and judge it in the context of extending me a place in the dept? It's so bad. No one would want me to go to the school after reading that. I'm just afraid. Horribly afraid.

And you want to know the sick part. I want to get into all three schools. I want to be able to pick. I don't want them to decide. I want to be able to reject them! I want them to fight over me!

And now I just want to send it so that it's over. Please let it be over. And get me out of the hell that is working at Berkeley.