Seiously?!

So I heard from Michael. They hired an internal candidate like I thought. She knows the hotel, knows the department and can really hit the ground running which they needed. Totally valid. I just find it odd that even though Human Resources sends out the blanket email that they wouldn't have the Director call me to tell me personally. Even if Human Resources doesn't ask him to, don't you think he would have thought of doing it himself. Especially since they flew me out. Doesn't that seem like the decent and polite thing to do?

So this whole moving thing still isn't out of the question though. Garren still has the position if he wants it. They LOVED him. Whereas apparently I had questionable attire. One person said that. Apparently that was the only negative thing they said about me and yet it upset me so much I haven't been able to stop crying about it. It's like I didn't do this whole thing perfectly. And the idea that someone might have judged me or misinterpreted me based on what I was wearing just I dunno. I feel so embarrassed and ......embarrassed. There is just no other word. And while only one person may have said it, maybe they were all thinking it and mind you I REALLY don't feel like I was dressed inappropriately. Granted I wasn't wearing my suit, but the reason for that is that I wanted to be comfortable and I've put on weight lately and I feel like they are too tight so I feel very awkward in them. So I brought my pants that are suit pants and highly comfortable and make me feel good and I paired it with a sweater. And mind you I wear this to work all the time.

So now I feel like some slutty under qualified loser who everyone was secretly thinking was the most inappropriate person for the job EVER. I will mention that the man who made this comment looks like he belongs on the set of the Sopranos. Mull that over.

The girl who did get the position moved up from the Group Concierge position and there is the possibility that I could get that position instead. I've already talked with Garren when we found out that I didn't get the job that we could still go. I can start from the bottom and learn the hotel and the staff and when something becomes available (which it will in a big hotel) I can hopefully move around and get a better position. I'm ok with that. I don't know if my pocket book is, but really there is nothing to do there or spend my money on so.....really all I have to worry about is rent and my car payments.

so yea Michael is talking to the GM again tomorrow. I don't want to be the person who only gets a job so that they can hire her boyfriend. I really don't want to feel hoisted off on to someone's department but Michael assures me that they did already ask if I would be interested in the position as a way to get to know the hotel and work my way up so.....

But I still feel so mortified and embarrassed. I don't know if I will be able to do this. Taking a step down and feeling like my choices are already questionable. It makes me uncomfortable and nauseas. Especially when I feel appreciated and loved here in SB. Maybe it's just a love fest in SB but I am valued here and it would be hard to move away from that.

I guess I'll be keeping you all posted.